


Evanescence

by patheticjazzhands



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy Get Along, Depressed Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Is Gay, FLUFF EVENTUALLY, Heidi is best mom, Jared is a good guy okay, Poor Evan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-04-17 10:10:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14186589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patheticjazzhands/pseuds/patheticjazzhands
Summary: If a boy falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear him, does he ever really fall?





	1. When you've fallen in a forest

Evan Hansen laid on the ground, in the middle of the forest, where no one could hear him. Even if they could, they probably wouldn't come to help. Because Evan was worthless, Evan was a burden, Evan should just disappear. But he didn't. He didn't disappear. Because he couldn't even do that right. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry. He couldn't cry. Not now. But it hurt. It hurt so much. Not just the stabbing pains in his arm, though they hurt a lot.

No. What hurt was the fact that he couldn't even die right.


	2. To disappear

Connor Murphy wanted to die. It was as simple as that. He wanted to die, and the only reason he hadn't yet was because he didn't even have the willpower to try. But it was there. Floating around in the back of his mind. Pushing at the edges of his slowly thinning sanity. The need, the desire, to just... 

Disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the beginning motherfuckers


	3. This one doesn't have a name I'm tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School time yay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm really tired and probably shouldn't be writing right now so that's why this is gonna be super short and shitty  
> Also I am gonna change the storyline so if you see similarities to it they're just there to add to the story and also I can't remember the storyline so  
> Am I making sense  
> I think so  
> I'm tired  
> So is Evan

Evan walked up to the front doors of the shcool, picking at the edge of his cast nervously. His mom had dropped him off for the first day, but had told him that he had to ride with Jared tomorrow. Which meant he got to deal with as little stupid jokes as possible. So far, none. Until...

"Hey, Hansen! What's the deal with your arm? Jack off too much?" Even sighed and rubbed his eyes. He really did not feel like this today. Or ever, but today he was especially intolerant. He looked down at Jared, who was looking at him with a gleam of curiosity in his eye. He sighed again.

"I.. fell out of a tree." He mumbled. Jared snorted. "Wow, really? I thought your squirrel friends would've caught you." Evan rolled his eyes. "Jared, you know that squirrels are incapable of catching a human being. And I don't even have squirrel friends, so. There."   
Jared stared at him as he adjusted the straps of his backpack. "Jeez, don't get so uptight about a joke, squirrel boy." Evan groaned.

"I'm not a squirrel boy!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Con is in next chap okay I'm so tired  
> Ugh this is short *self-loathing comense*


	4. Chapter 4

Connor glanced around, feeling shifty as he snuck into the computer lab.   
It's not like he wasn't supposed to be there, but most students ate in the cafeteria and it was deadly quiet during lunchtime, no one in the halls or classrooms at all. 

He shut the door behind him and that was the only noise before everything became quiet once more. Sometimes Connor hated silence with a burning passion and all he wanted to do was scream at the top of his lungs just to make noise, and other times silence was okay.   
Right now, Connor wanted to scream.

He dropped his bag onto a table and sat down in the swivel chair next to it, pushing it backwards with his heels. He stared at his feet before pulling his legs up onto the chair, wrapping his arms around his knees and curling his body inwards.   
He took one slim hand and pushed at the table, rolling himself backwards a couple of inches. Then he pulled himself back, changing his mind.   
He unfolded his legs and put them on the ground, before pulling them back up and sitting cross-legged on the chair.  
He put his arms by his sides, then sat them together in his lap, leaning forward over his legs with his hands hanging limply off the edge of the chair.   
He tugged on his hoodie sleeves. He scratched at the backs of his hands. He rolled his head side to side, his hair swooshing softly back and forth as he did so. He turned upside-down in the chair, kicking his legs in the air and using his hands to push the chair in circles.  
He couldn't sit still. He had to do something productive. But nothing he ever did was productive. Upside-down, he drew invisible designs on the shiny linoleum floor, his hair just brushing the ground.   
He felt generally bad, and tired. He pressed his finger to the linoleum so hard his skin turned white.   
He hummed something he didn't know the words to, and drew something he didn't know the image of. His eyes closed, and he felt... 

~

Connor woke up yawning, to two hazel eyes with flecks of green and brown scattered throughout them, like a forest floor.  
The descriptive words drifted through his mind, and he thought, 'how poetic.' His thoughts were like that, taking the things he saw and creating stories out of them, poems, describing the word around him. It was how he saw the world.  
He snapped back to reality when the pair of eyes moved out of view and the boy sitting in front of him sat up, looking terrified. Connor was, for just a moment, confused as to how this kid was sitting on the ceiling, before he remembered how he'd fallen asleep.  
He sat up quickly, blood rushing and a headache forming. He heard a squeak like a mouse being trodden on behind him, and rolled around in his chair so the back of it stood between him and hazel eyes. 

His head hurt and he didn't feel like dealing with this guy right now, no matter how interesting his eyes were because they were not. So he shook his hair out of his eyes (which was not a good idea for his pounding head) and hissed out an annoyed   
"What do you want?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been?? Actual billions of years????? I don't even know if I'm gonna continue this or whatever, I just felt like writing some good old DEH and this was open so???? Please don't expect anything from me

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I didn't take any of your ideas, but this nice angsty stuff just got into my head so that's nice. And yes, this will be a multiple chapter fic because I GOT IDEAS-  
> Also I'm so proud of the name I came up with because PUNS


End file.
